The Ultimate Super Bowl Odds History Post
January 4, 2010
Every Super Bowl pointspread since the beginning of time. No more “Who was the favorite in Super Bowl VI?”, because we’ve got them all right here. BAM! Read more
Best. Book. Ever.
February 16, 2009
Are you kidding me?
After 20 years of trying to explain a friggin “Blitz Package” to every girl I know, they finally make this.
I suggest you check out the website, and get yourself a copy as they were nice enough to fire us off a freebie.
And its brilliant. The best part?
The “Pick your team Flow chart”, check it out:
Weekly Linkburgling
December 9, 2008
So I’m sitting here today like heeey, what are the sites that are actually funny and also somehow manage to spend an entire day posting content doing today? Is there anything interesting I can steal from them?
Yep.
Running back stops 5 yards short of TD, puts ball down – Deadspin
Antonio Bryants catch of the Year – Sportaphile via YouTube
And here’s God explaining Week 14 in the NFL – Kissing Suzy Kolber Read more
Fantasy Files Football Highlight Videos
August 13, 2008
Reebok and NFL.com Fantasy started producing these video’s last year to promote their (now free…3 years too late) Fantasy Football.
And although their fantasy football still sucks, these video’s are pretty goddamn awesome. We spent 20 minutes last year deciding if they could possibly be real.
We’ve attempted to collect them all together for your easy viewing pleasure.
Enjoy: Read more
Down. Set. Shoot!
May 2, 2008
The Indianapolis Colts Wide Reciever and poster child for obsessive compulsive disorder Marvin Harrison is to my delight being questioned about a shooting that occured at his bar in Philly. (A shooting in Philly? No Way!)
The guy that was shot at didn’t name Harrison as the shooter, but apparently the gun used was a one of a kind Belgian revolver that was registered to Harrison…and was recovered from a bucket in a car wash… also owned by Harrison. (wasn’t this an episode of Simon and Simon?) Read more
The Chris Berman Video Collection
April 28, 2008
From beloved fancy catch phrase football commentator to world renowned mega spaz!
We here at Thehouseofsmack.com think that it’s only appropriate that we post the Chris Berman off air freakout video extravaganza that was leaked earlier this year, only because we werent’ around then, and it fits.
Here’s what we could find that hadn’t been yoinked down from YouTube yet.
[props to EVERY EFFING SPORTS BLOG IN THE UNIVERSE.] Read more
LinkPoop – Cartman > Bellicheck
April 10, 2008
Our boy Damon here may try to pull a Chinese-style censorship bid here, but check out this article, courtesy of the well-dressed and dapper folks at www.youbeenblinded.com
Saying that I watch alot of South park would be like saying that Paris Hilton attends a few gatherings. [Ed note: Paris - would ya?]
An Open Letter to Chris Henry
April 3, 2008
Hi Chris,
Well, I see that the Bengals have cut you loose after another run in with the law. Pffft, buncha prudes.
I want you to know that even though you’re now without a team, I have a special place for you on my couch in my heart. After all, it’s not like you really did anything wrong. Let’s look at what you did [courtesy of the Withleather.com boys - see that Jack McCallum? It's called a "reference". Jackass]
“December ‘05: Speeding, marijuana possession, no valid driver’s license or auto insurance ”
- Well obviously you were speeding, you didn’t have a license and your insurance was expired. Duh.
“January ‘06: Multiple gun charges in Orlando, including assault with a firearm, while wearing his #15 jersey. Plead guilty.”
- You know how they say “no publicity is bad publicity”? I’m sure you were just thinking of that right? And you plead guilty right? That’s basically saying “my bad” – why are these assholes all over you? What are they – the fun police?
Oh…they’re the real police. My mistake.
“May ‘06: Investigated in sex crime. No charges were ever filed.”
- I think the language was just off here. Change it to “investigated in-sex crime” and it sounds like you’re just a crime voyeur right? (Man! PR’ing is hard!)
“June ‘06: Arrested for DUI. Charges dismissed when defense proved breathalyzer was faulty. ”
- Luckily you were too hammered to remember this whole episode. Whew!
“September ‘06: Teammate Odell Thurman gets a DUI. Henry, a passenger, vomits out the window.”
- Vomiting is not a crime. If it was, every frat boy in the US would be arrested (but “who will videotape the public gangbangs?” you ask. Shhh Chris…we’ll get to that later.) Also, Odell Thurman drives like a 60 year old Asian woman, so 100% understandable. NEXT QUESTION.
“October ‘06: NFL levies two-game suspension”
- two game suspension = two week vacation! It’s all in how you spin it people.
“January ‘07: Pleads guilty to giving minors alcohol the previous spring.”
- If confronted with this again, just tell the cops: “You remember what it was like when YOU were 17 and really wanted to drink to have fun with your friends…and give a BJ to a famous football player?”
“April ‘07: Suspended for first eight games of ‘07 season.”
- gave you time to do some yardwork and install those new solid oak cupboards! Hooray!
“June ‘07: Henry and teammate Reggie McNeal allegedly assault a 16-year-old boy. The charges were deemed unfounded and dismissed.”
- Who says he’s not a team player? “and teammate Reggie McNeal” – cmon coach! We’s bonding! This “kid” was 6′4″ and probably around 230 lbs. He was also lippy. Who’s going to parent the parents society asks? Chris Henry answered.
“November ‘07: Accused of assaulting a valet at Newport on the Levee. No charges were filed, but Henry is banned from returning.”
- Valets are worthless pieces of trash. They get to ride your nice car, get paid and then demand a tip. To put it in perspective, I am neither rich, nor a famous football player – but in the last week I have killed 14 valets. Perspective people!
Also – you’re “banned from returning”? Oh MY GOD! NOT THE LEVEE! They didn’t let 16 year olds drink anyways, so screw em.
“April ‘08: Assault charges”
- In your defense that 16 year old valet at the Levee had it coming. “Autograph” this punk!
I guess if I have any parting words, it’d be this: Please don’t leave my life Chris. Please. I need you to come back, make plays and get up to your usual shenanigans. Don’t do it for me though Chris. Do it for my fantasy team the kids.
(I was talking about going to buy alcohol – sorry I didn’t introduce that last sentence properly.)
Sincerely,
MikeD, TheHouseofSmack
Madden NFL Coaches 2009
March 20, 2008
With Tony Dungy gracing the cover of EA Sports’ NFL Head Coach 09 we are left with a few thoughts:
A. Seriously, how awesome is coach Dungy?
B. Are there any other coaches that could’ve worked?
So without further ado, let’s take a look at what features the game would’ve had if they had chosen someone else besides the marvelous Man-God Tony Dungy.
AFC EAST
1. NFL Bellicheck 09
Similar to Head Coach 09, but success doesn’t make you happy. For each 10 game streak you put together, something bad happens: wife leaves you, have an affair with a married woman, league dislikes you, etc.
Comes with a free webcam though! Read more
Randy Moss is a Gentleman
February 29, 2008
News today that Randy Moss has been indicted for hurting a woman and not allowing her to seek medical help (hey MSNBC – how about some fucking details? Is this Page Six of the gossip rags? Sure you don’t want to credit “an insider close to the film’s production” while you’re at it?). Read more