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Awesome Athlete Afros

I wouldn’t neccesarily say that its back, because for a true fan of the afro puff, it never left.

Ladies and gentlmen, a tribute…

Not to skill or stature, grit or mettle, but to the old skool.

To a simpler time when a man was not judged for his Bentley or his blang, but by the sheer magnitdue of his follicular fortitude.

I present to you, in no particular order: Some  Awesome Athlete Afro’s. Read more

Bill Russell is Old, Pretty Effing Cool

Its not often that we here that the HofS don’t have something douchey to say about almost everything…but this recent ESPN video of Kevin Garnett sitting down with old skool Celtics baller Bill Russell is the shiznit.

If this doesn’t cut to the core of you, you have no soul. Well, no sports soul…because I’m pretty sure my girlfriend doesn’t give a rats ass about either of these guys.

See the Video Below the fold. Read more

Pass the Beef: LeBron vs. DeShaun - It’s Getting Surrrious

  

Some would say the feud between LeBron James and DeShaun Steveson is kind of silly, and much ado about nothing (if people referenced Shakespeare more often or remembered that crappy movie with Emma Thompson), but to those people who say “Hey Mike, can it really be a feud if LeBron is 10x the player that DeShaun is?” or “Hey Mike, Can you please put some pants on?”, I have just one response:

HOVA

Read more

Wizards Winning Trash Talk Battle, Not Games

Even though they’re up 3-1 in the Series and likely about to whoop em again, LeBron and the bargain basement bin of half-breeds and white guys who call themselves a team Cleveland Cavaliers are taking the Wizards physical play personally, especially after my man DeShaun Stevenson bitch-slapped LeBron on a drive to the basket in Game 3, stating:

“I guess that’s what they want to do,” LeBron said, “hurt LeBron James in this series. It’s not working.”

Now if there’s one thing Mike D can’t stand it’s when people other than Mike D talk about themselves in the third-person. If there’s another it’s a 23 year old whipper-snapper act with bravado - I don’t care if he’s 6′9″ and 250 lbs. [Ed note - I do]. Read more

Why We Hate (the Spurs)

As I sat with MikeD, suffering through another San Antonio Spurs victory last night, I became angry. My asshole clenched and my ball sack twitched. The beers went down faster and my tongue became looser. I became louder and more ignorant and Mikey’s roommates grew tired - of me. Siiiiiigh.

I hate the fucking Spurs. I hate them. It seems like EVERY basketball fan hates them. But why? They’re a bona fide dynasty with a couple of exciting superstars and maybe the greatest power forward of all-time. The idiot sports peasantry usually LOVES dynasties. They loved MJ and the Bulls, they loved Magic and the Lakers, and they loved Bird and the Celtics. So why not these guys? Why must we hate when all this world needs is love? *pukes in mouth* Read more

Dwyane Wade, Star Jones - Wait, What?

Loyal reader KingBill emailed me this story (you know when the subject line of an email is: “I just threw up in my mouth a little” its gonna be a good one), but I’m still not sure I get it.

Apparently, Star Jones and Dwayne Wade are dating. I don’t know if it’s true or not, as the Detroit Free Press article simply has a bullet point saying:

• Star Jones, reportedly dating Miami Heat star Dwyane Wade, has filed for a divorce from her husband of about three years, Al Reynolds.

Read more

An Illogical and Unresearched Breakdown of Every NBA Playoff Series: Washington vs. Cleveland

Continuing upon our award-winning (ok, my mom said she liked it) series, let’s break down the Wizards vs. the Cavaliers – and no, we aint’ talking about a “really rad” game of Warcraft, we’s talking hoops!

Washington

Ok, admittedly, I was hoping the Wiz would kick the Cavs ass here. I mean after my Lebron vs. DeShaun comparison  it really seemed like Washington had the drive and the chutchzpa to get over the Cavs hump. However, I guess Congress – wait for it, wait for it! - isn’t the only group in Washington that can’t get anything done (oh you cad you!). Antawn Jamison – who pronounces his name “Ant-Wann” even though it’s not spelled like that (I pronounce my name “Or-lan-do Bloom” even though I spell it Mike), is the only one who’s actually doing anything, while their non-existent bench continues to get them in trouble. Agent Zero played well in the first game, but came up way short in the second. To let you know how bad they played in Game 2, the Wizards cheerleaders wouldn’t even have sex with Brandon Haywood – that’s how upset they were.

Cleveland

Apparently that LeBron James can ball. Yikes. It’s amazing that you can win a playoff game with a  supporting cast of guys 5 years past their prime – it’s kinda like N’Sync got back together. Oh God, did I just type that? Justin is so handsome. Oh God…stop typing. [Ed note: Mike ran away as soon as he finished typing that sentence, crying and yelling something about me "not understanding their love" or something like that]

The worst part of the Cavs playoff run though is that Daniel Gibson - Oh! Looks like someone in the Cavs organization learned how to use Photoshop!- and his ridiculous hairdo walks around like he’s Scottie to LeBron’s MJ. Dude, you have the nickname “Boobie” – you ain’t shit.

Please don’t read into that too much though, because I heart boobies. Just not ones who can’t defend and are streaky shooters at best.

All I’m saying is I’d rather watch this boobie, than that Boobie.

Pick: Cleveland in 5

[Thanks to Filmdrunk for the masterbatory awesomeness link and Jack McCallum for still being the bane of my existence].

An Illogical and Unresearched Breakdown of Every NBA Playoff Series: Boston - Atlanta

The excitement! The drama! Manu Ginoblli’s bald spot – it’s the NBA playoffs folks!

Well, I was going to write a running diary of each Game 1 in the NBA playoffs, but then I decided “Hey Mike, wouldn’t you much rather DO something during your weekend? Ya know, go out there and live?”, so I’m sad to report that I only watched 7 of the 8 games, but was too hung-over to even heat up my Chef Boyardee, let alone make a running diary (and ladies, I know what you’re thinking – YES it was beefaroni). Read more

Isiah Thomas Gets Fired - Kool and Gang Finally Makes Sense To Me

= CANNED

Thank you lord. Thank you. Garth Brooks sang that the best gift God could give are unanswered prayers (I think), but with the news that Isiah Thomas - and his annoyingly spelled first name - has been fired I would beg to disagree with that fat ass country singer. Read more

The Duel: LeBron vs. DeShaun

It should come as no surprise to any readers that we love childish, stupid feuds and general douchebaggery. When those feuds occur between two sports stars? The HouseofSmack wades in and mediates stirs the shit up:

This Week’s Duel:

LeBron James vs. DeShaun Stevenson

Background:

LeBron James is the new basketball Jesus, anointed by the media, loved across the league, kids have their jerseys, he’s breaking records, yadda yadda. Basically, if you don’t know who King James is you’re either Jack McCallum or an emo. In that case - why are you reading this? I think Interpol is having a signing at Virgin - quick, get your dad to drive you!

DeShaun Stevenson plays for the Wizards. The Cavs have owned the Wizards for the past few years - bouncing them from the playoffs - and DeShaun for one has beef with LeBron. But who’s really King, baby?

Names:

LeBron vs. DeShaun / The Bron vs. Of Shaun
Both names are rediculous - but at least “The Bron” kinda sounds tough.

Edge: LeBron

Nicknames:

LeBron - “LBJ, King James” / DeShaun - “that guy who plays for the Wizards”

Edge: LeBron

Past Awesomeness:

LeBron - destroyed opponents in high school, bombed hosting the ESPYs but recovered nicely when hosted SNL.
DeShaun - Ok, ready? Got into a fistfight the night he was drafted. Accused of raping a 14 year old girl when he was 20. A man was shot in the leg outside his home. He dumped one R&B singer I’d never heard of for another R&B singer I’ve never heard of. Put up a photo of his grill and blackcard - with the numbers showing. Recently proclaimed that he’d hook anybody up with $10k if they could get him Lindsay Lohan’s phone #. No, I’m not making that up, his exact words on his MySpace Page [Ed: people still use MySpace for anything besides finding underage sexual prey?]

I Got A Couple Ppl On The Lindsay LoHan Deal………………. But Im Giving Somebody 10 Stacks If They Hook That Sh*t Up…………….. 4 U Slow Ppl 10 Thousand Dollars 2 The First Muthaf*cker Get Me The Contact 4 Her!!!!!!! Before My Ppl Get The Number They Moving 2 Slow 4 Me So Holla At Yo Boy If U Need That 10,000 Grand!!!!!!!!! U Kno I Need That White Girl Lindsay Lohan…………. First N*gga Or Female Get Me That Sh*t I Wire That Money Str8 2 Ur Account Hit Me On Email If U Got The Real Sh*t!!!!!!! TwoFamily@mac.com………………… Yadddddaaaaa Boy

So you heard it here. The first n*gga to get him that sh*t will be very pleased indeed.

Edge: DeShaun by a country mile

BBQ Skills: [Ed: cause it's heating up "the beef" - get it? Yes, it's a slow day around here today]

Apparently LeBron said something to Drew Gooden - a homey of DeShaun’s from Oakland - about DeShaun’s game (and something personal too) that DeShaun took offense to and proclaimed to make LeBron his bitch. He called this season’s scoring leader “overrated” - to which James replied:

“With DeShawn Stevenson it is kind of funny. It’s almost like Jay-Z saying something bad about Soulja Boy. There’s no comparison. Enough said.”DeShaun’s response:

“I hope we play Cleveland,” Stevenson said. “I’m going to get Soulja Boy courtside seats and have him wear a DeShawn Stevenson jersey. Maybe (James) can have Jay-Z there since LeBron’s all on his (shorts) anyway.”

Stevenson wasn’t done. “And tell LeBron to cut that beard off and stop copying me.”

Edge: DeShaun - straight up killin the youngster

Facial Hair:

Deshaun. LeBron. Abraham Lincoln. Scott Ian from Anthrax. ZZ Top.

Edge: Wait - what were we talking about again?

Final Score: 2-2

LeBron has more talent and a cooler name, but DeShaun is just plum ghetto crazy - but in a good “oh man DeShaun brought over 5 17 year olds and none of them speak English!” way.

To settle the topic - I asked my one black female friend who she’d rather do. Her response:

“What?”
“Why do you wanna know that?”
“That’s really fucking stupid Mike”
“DeShaun looks like a thug - and I like thugs - so I guess him. LeBron is too corny, but I bet he has a bigger dick.”

So there you go folks…um…it’s a tie?

Now, as YOU’RE the real winner, enjoy some ZZ Top:

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