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Jose Canseco Wants To Fight You

I ran accross this little gem today on Deadspin.com.

Apparently, if you want to make $5000 and hate Jose Canseco, you can fight him on a July 12 boxing promotion in Atlantic City.

You can email your application to fightcanseco@aol.com.

Read more

Manny Ramirez = My Hero

Call him what you want: an idiot savant, a goofball, a whackjob.
Here at TheHouseofSmack.com it all translates to awesome.

Watch: Read more

Jason Bay = Heart Throbby

Oh Jason Bay, you left Canada for the big time and bright lights of Major League Baseball, the notoriety and the money…and lets not forget the true essence of Amrican sports-dom…the stalking songstresses…

[props to withleather.com]

Video below: Read more

O**ie bleeping Gui**en

Hi, I’m Ozzie fu**in Guillen.

I’m the manager for the Chicago fu**in White Sox fu**in baseball team.

When I’m not too fu**in busy sh** talking the gays, I like to randomly fu**in freak out and sh** on anybody who’ll fu**in listen to me.

Like yesterday, a reporter had the fu**in balls to say something about somebody on my fu**in baseball team so I did what any good fu**in manager should do…I fu**in lost it and tore into every fu**in thing I could think of, including the fu**in fans and the fu**in Cubs.

So fu*k you.

Heres the fu**in transcript courtesy of ES fu**in PN: Read more

Smoke Weed? That’s a Scoopin’

Washington Nationals embattled outfielder Elijah Dukes had reportedly got his probation shortened by spending 25 hours scooping up animal feces at the zoo.

Now I dont want to get into my political outlook about the ridiculious notion of sending people to jail for smoking weed, or wasting time and money with trials, lawers and incarceration…but this punishment has got me thinking that  they could be on the right track.

Jail is asinine for a pothead. Fines are meaningless for rich athletes….but…

…imagine how clean we could make Detroit if everybody who got busted for weed had to clean some shit up!

I’m just sayin.

Today in “I’m Awesomer Than You” News

Unlike, well, everybody, I actualy like Alex Rodriguez. I mean he’s a whiner for sure, but cmon - being a celebrity in New York means tons of media exposure, I mean hell, the other day I stubbed my toe coming out of a strip club bank and the headlines the next day read: “Random Dickhead Robs Strip Club And Hurts Self on Way Out” - I mean, how did they know I stubbed my toe? Pirahnas I tell you!

Anyways, let’s go through the Mike D list for approval:

1. catchy and sexually ambiguous nickname? A-Rod = check

2. banging hot wife - who he cheats on with bodybuilders in Toronto? check

3. wearing “extreme athlete super endurance performance” shades? check

4. Hmmm…it seems like I’m forgetting something? Oh I know! How about this?

Yup, A-Rod makes as much as the whole freakin Rays team. That means when he strikes out he can shrug and say “oh well…at least I make way more than all of you”. He can also do this if he makes an error, or hits into a pop fly. Conversely, when he gets a hit, walk, or does a great fielding play he can say “Oh, and I make more than your entire team”

The only thing I don’t like though is how freaking big he is. The guy’s a monster. I’m telling you, between him and Eduardo Najera they’re up to something down there. I can’t put my finger on it, but I’m pretty sure fairly soon we’ll all be working tirelessly in factories and mines for super-human Mexicans.

…and I’m pretty sure they’ll be only more than happy to tell us they make more than us combined.

Cubs Fans are Wussies!

I really don’t know what to say. If there is a Cub nation, all of you need to immediately get over to this site and tear this guy a new one. Or at least attempt to recover some of the man-ness that this dude has so egregiously dressed in a tutu and sent off to ballet lessons.

WithLeather.com somehow found this, and although we thank them for their diligence, it’s a sad, sad day for baseball. Read more

Top 8 Biggest A-holes in Baseball

Right up there with road rage, shootin’ shit and war, what would Americas pastime be without a salute to those who turn the privilege of playing a kids game for money into a debaucherous clusterf**k of ego, HGH and and unabashed asshole-dem?

Obviously, its kind of tough to not look through my Red Sox colored goggles in determining this list, so we need to establish a clear list of criteria as to what determines a true asshole, and not just some prick from the Yankees. Here it is:

1) The Media hates them

2) The fans hate them

3) I hate them

Now here they are, in no particular order…as they should all equally bask in the gloriousness of making this list: Read more

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