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I’m Not Touching You!

[Written by new HofS contributer Sean Murphy, if you have any questions for Sean, please F**k off.]

Like a little brother on a long family road trip with an outstretched finger, Sean Avery waved his stick in front of Brodeur’s face. His defense. like a petulant little brother was a familiar one; “I’m not touching you”.

When professional sports begin to mirror a family vacation along the I-90 something has got to be done.

This childish display was handled like any fraternal squabble ever has been. Mommy steps between the feuding boys and says she has had enough. That is exactly what happened here. Betman, like the good den mother he is, looked at the two brothers and laid down the law. The problem is that a solution that seems like a good idea along the side of a highway by a Denny’s, hardly ever works out in the long run. Eventually the two brothers will harbor resentment for each other and somewhere between the Denny’s and the Stucky’s, the older brother takes matters into his own hands and lays the smack down.

In this case Avery should consider himself lucky that Brodeur is the older brother instead of Hextall. Ronny wouldn’t have waited for mommy to stick her nose in. He would have fucked Avery so hard with his stick that he would be shitting Sherwood babies for a month.

The league would have handed out acceptable retribution and that would have been that. Which brings me to my real problem. Bertuzzi never would have gone after Moore three weeks later the way that he did if the hit on Naslund had been taken care of that night.

While the Avery situation is not as severe, he will one day have to answer for all the bullshit he has done and all of the bad intentions will explode into one bloody scene that will become a permanent blemish on NHL forever. Betman has to realize that there is nothing he can do to make baseball fans buy into the idea of the NHL. By eliminating the instigator rule, he has effectively become the mother of a bunch of kids that will one day grow up to kill each other.

If a younger brother is sticking his hand in your face, despite what your mother says you smack the shit out of him once and he won’t do it again. If he does it again you smack him again, and then it is his own fault for being a slow learner. I don’t blame Avery for doing what he is doing. Where is the disincentive for him to stop?

No one with any balls is ever going to be scared of Betman. Simon and Pronger boot-fucked someone with their skates and they are still playing, so Avery is going to keep waving his finger in peoples faces until it gets broken.

The question now; who out there is going to do it? Who has the stones? Avery at the end of the day is an intense scary son of a bitch. He is like Joe Pesci in Casino, you come at him with hit from behind, he will come at you with a cross-check to the teeth.

The only way that you can stop him is by taking care of him when he crosses the line. Like a dog that shits on a rug. A quick slap on the nose with a newspaper whenever he lifts his leg. Every dog, no matter how wild, can eventually be broken.

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