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The Duel: LeBron vs. DeShaun

It should come as no surprise to any readers that we love childish, stupid feuds and general douchebaggery. When those feuds occur between two sports stars? The HouseofSmack wades in and mediates stirs the shit up:

This Week’s Duel:

LeBron James vs. DeShaun Stevenson

Background:

LeBron James is the new basketball Jesus, anointed by the media, loved across the league, kids have their jerseys, he’s breaking records, yadda yadda. Basically, if you don’t know who King James is you’re either Jack McCallum or an emo. In that case - why are you reading this? I think Interpol is having a signing at Virgin - quick, get your dad to drive you!

DeShaun Stevenson plays for the Wizards. The Cavs have owned the Wizards for the past few years - bouncing them from the playoffs - and DeShaun for one has beef with LeBron. But who’s really King, baby?

Names:

LeBron vs. DeShaun / The Bron vs. Of Shaun
Both names are rediculous - but at least “The Bron” kinda sounds tough.

Edge: LeBron

Nicknames:

LeBron - “LBJ, King James” / DeShaun - “that guy who plays for the Wizards”

Edge: LeBron

Past Awesomeness:

LeBron - destroyed opponents in high school, bombed hosting the ESPYs but recovered nicely when hosted SNL.
DeShaun - Ok, ready? Got into a fistfight the night he was drafted. Accused of raping a 14 year old girl when he was 20. A man was shot in the leg outside his home. He dumped one R&B singer I’d never heard of for another R&B singer I’ve never heard of. Put up a photo of his grill and blackcard - with the numbers showing. Recently proclaimed that he’d hook anybody up with $10k if they could get him Lindsay Lohan’s phone #. No, I’m not making that up, his exact words on his MySpace Page [Ed: people still use MySpace for anything besides finding underage sexual prey?]

I Got A Couple Ppl On The Lindsay LoHan Deal………………. But Im Giving Somebody 10 Stacks If They Hook That Sh*t Up…………….. 4 U Slow Ppl 10 Thousand Dollars 2 The First Muthaf*cker Get Me The Contact 4 Her!!!!!!! Before My Ppl Get The Number They Moving 2 Slow 4 Me So Holla At Yo Boy If U Need That 10,000 Grand!!!!!!!!! U Kno I Need That White Girl Lindsay Lohan…………. First N*gga Or Female Get Me That Sh*t I Wire That Money Str8 2 Ur Account Hit Me On Email If U Got The Real Sh*t!!!!!!! TwoFamily@mac.com………………… Yadddddaaaaa Boy

So you heard it here. The first n*gga to get him that sh*t will be very pleased indeed.

Edge: DeShaun by a country mile

BBQ Skills: [Ed: cause it's heating up "the beef" - get it? Yes, it's a slow day around here today]

Apparently LeBron said something to Drew Gooden - a homey of DeShaun’s from Oakland - about DeShaun’s game (and something personal too) that DeShaun took offense to and proclaimed to make LeBron his bitch. He called this season’s scoring leader “overrated” - to which James replied:

“With DeShawn Stevenson it is kind of funny. It’s almost like Jay-Z saying something bad about Soulja Boy. There’s no comparison. Enough said.”DeShaun’s response:

“I hope we play Cleveland,” Stevenson said. “I’m going to get Soulja Boy courtside seats and have him wear a DeShawn Stevenson jersey. Maybe (James) can have Jay-Z there since LeBron’s all on his (shorts) anyway.”

Stevenson wasn’t done. “And tell LeBron to cut that beard off and stop copying me.”

Edge: DeShaun - straight up killin the youngster

Facial Hair:

Deshaun. LeBron. Abraham Lincoln. Scott Ian from Anthrax. ZZ Top.

Edge: Wait - what were we talking about again?

Final Score: 2-2

LeBron has more talent and a cooler name, but DeShaun is just plum ghetto crazy - but in a good “oh man DeShaun brought over 5 17 year olds and none of them speak English!” way.

To settle the topic - I asked my one black female friend who she’d rather do. Her response:

“What?”
“Why do you wanna know that?”
“That’s really fucking stupid Mike”
“DeShaun looks like a thug - and I like thugs - so I guess him. LeBron is too corny, but I bet he has a bigger dick.”

So there you go folks…um…it’s a tie?

Now, as YOU’RE the real winner, enjoy some ZZ Top:

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