Apparently the AOL Sports guys should be writing for TheHouseofSmack, because their slideshow of the 22 best athlete mugshots is pretty damn impressive:
Apart from being pissed off I didn’t think of it myself, I did have some inane observations on the list that they produced.
1) The most glaring is the uncanny resemblance of Chris Henry and John Leguizamo’s character on Ice Age, you be the judge…
It’s simply impossible for me to look at any photo’s of Chris Henry now without hearing him say:
“Sschorry offisscher, I sschertainly didn’t mean to hit the man, I promissch I wont do it again…”
2) They also missed an assload of other amaaazing athlete mugshots from the past, so in traditional TheHouseofSmack.com one-up-dom, I added a few to the list here:
Andre the Giant from 1989 after beating up a camera man.
Not only was he actually 540 lbs, but his head is so big, that it barely fits inside of the mugshot picture.
I don’t know who the eff would purposely aggravate this mountatin of a man, but I can’t blame Andre for roughing up some wank that though it was a good idea to antagonize a person with a head the size of a Volkswagon.
I’m almost sad having to make fun of this guy, but I’m sure Dre’ (as i like to call him) was no stranger to a good ribbing…
…I mean he did spend his entire career in a one shoulder lycra unitard right? right.
Don king from 1958.
This cat has been as bad as it gets before most of our parents were born.
He’s been charged with attempted everything at least once, and before he was ripping off professional boxers and other promoters, he was going to jail.
A lot. This is just one in a series of delightful appearances in front of a state sponsored photog.
Hey everybody! I got arrested! Yaaaaaaay!
Deion is one of many celebrities and athletes to get arrested, and not seem like they could be any happier!
See, I don’t really care who I thought I was or how good I was at whatever sport…going to jail is, well…
…GOING TO EFFING JAIL!
I’m sure that even at my cockiest moment I would be shitting bricks at the point they fingerprinted me and took my picture.
And guys, smiling in your mugshot doesn’t make you seem tough or that you don’t care, it makes you look like you are a complete and utter freaking moron…
…or higher than a MoFo!
Woot! Woot!
Hey guys, I make a bajillion dollars a year, but no matter how much money I make or how rich or famous I might get, the more wealth I accumulate is a direct influence on how LESS likely I am to make a simple responsible decision like, oh I don’t know…
…taking a goddamn cab!
Or perhaps dropping a fifty on a friend, a friend of a friend, an illegitimate love child or a random stranger to simply drive my ass back to my hotel/mistresses/mansion safely, and drop my $150,000 car off tomorrow.
Nope, instead I’m wasted, and just like my main man Deion, I am soooooper freaking happy to be going to jail for the night!
(Please note that i do have a personal vendetta with Scottie Pippen that will for now remain undisclosed, but for the record I absolutely loathe this guy and I dont wanna talk about it!)
Guess what!! Druuuunk driiiiving! Kirby Puckett style…but I ain’t Deion Sanders or Scottie Pippen happy…I’m pirate happy.
or am I?
Jesus Saltalamaccia on April 9, 2008
Pippen is a high school yearbook picture “most likely to eat the cock of someone elses shadow”, deion is an arm & hammer whitening toothpaste commercial, Andre’s shit in his beard has some shit in its beard and Kirby Puckett looks like a villain from Pirates of the Caribbean in need of a late night spicy baconator from Wendys!