Today in “I’m Awesomer Than You” News
April 1, 2008
Unlike, well, everybody, I actualy like Alex Rodriguez. I mean he’s a whiner for sure, but cmon – being a celebrity in New York means tons of media exposure, I mean hell, the other day I stubbed my toe coming out of a strip club bank and the headlines the next day read: “Random Dickhead Robs Strip Club And Hurts Self on Way Out” – I mean, how did they know I stubbed my toe? Pirahnas I tell you!
Anyways, let’s go through the Mike D list for approval:
1. catchy and sexually ambiguous nickname? A-Rod = check
2. banging hot wife – who he cheats on with bodybuilders in Toronto? check
3. wearing “extreme athlete super endurance performance” shades? check
4. Hmmm…it seems like I’m forgetting something? Oh I know! How about this?
Yup, A-Rod makes as much as the whole freakin Rays team. That means when he strikes out he can shrug and say “oh well…at least I make way more than all of you”. He can also do this if he makes an error, or hits into a pop fly. Conversely, when he gets a hit, walk, or does a great fielding play he can say “Oh, and I make more than your entire team”
The only thing I don’t like though is how freaking big he is. The guy’s a monster. I’m telling you, between him and Eduardo Najera they’re up to something down there. I can’t put my finger on it, but I’m pretty sure fairly soon we’ll all be working tirelessly in factories and mines for super-human Mexicans.
…and I’m pretty sure they’ll be only more than happy to tell us they make more than us combined.
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I think it said he makes more than the Marlins. Titty.
You mean the Marlins and Rays aren’t the same team? They shoudl combine them into one team – that will still finish last.
Plus they could call them the Marlays or the Raylins – which I’m 100% for
Touche.
love, Jeff “See through” Blauser