The 10 Lamest Sports…Ever
April 1, 2008
(Also known as: “How Nerds Mate” and “Slow People Have Fun Too”)
These are all REAL LIFE “sports” played by actual humans somewhere on the planet. I mean its not like there aren’t enough regular sports available, but somehow people can’t be satisfied and have to screw with perfectly good ones, or make up their own crap.
The WithLeather.com guys discovered this effing beauty last year…it’s pretty much the adolescent wank’s that grew up reading Harry Potter books are now in college and feeling all independent, enabled and can’t seem to find an outlet for their nerd-dom, and decided to form a real game out of the magical B-S from the fantasy book/movie series.
Have a gander:
…holy crap…
Somebody once asked the question: How can we play football but make it so there’s absolutely no possibility of contact, girls can play too, and my shut-in socially backward 34 year old brother that lives in my parents basement will want to play?
Ta Daaaa!
Scoober? Hammer? Thumber? Fuck off.
“Jim, I love playing badminton with you but I feel like there’s something holding me back from a truly fulfilling shuttlecock and racket experience….”
Are you also feeling like having an actual net, the lack of ultraviolet light displays to play around and a point are holding you back from attaining your badmintoning potential?
Well look no further, and welcome to Speedminton!
Coming soon: Team Burkha’s!
Where I come from, you needed a skirt to play this…and ovaries. But holy crap this sport is HUUUGE in Pakistan, not to mention the rest of Europe.
But it’s hockey… on grass, with no hitting, no fighting and more teeth… so pretty much its “stick-soccer”
Did you see that sick ankle breaking stick-over…can’t wait for the And-1 mix tape.
Amateur Radio Direction Finding
What you really need to be asking yourself is, where can I find PROFESSIONAL Radio Direction Finding?
Actually, I really want to figure out how the radio keeners can make it through the forest without succumbing to anaphylactic shock from the seventy four allergies that kids associated with “radio sports” normally suffer from?
“mini-yagi vector array”…fuuuck yeeah!
Pickleball (or “Shittytennis”)
Ping Pong + Squash + Badminton + Tennis
Pretty much a decathlon for racket-sports. You compete against your opponent in all four events, and then go home to your guild. I guess tennis turns down the suck dial a tad…as it is a real sport, but the name just pisses me off soooo much.
AND the Swedish Chef does the color commentary!!!
High Speed Telegraphy
Computers? pffft. Building fighting robots? gay.
How fast can you translate dot dot line dot dot line line line dot?
Wanna find out?!
Not so fast Morse Biotch!
Not until you’re a member of the International Amateur Radio Union, paid your dues and shown up at the Friendship Radio Sport Games!
Fistball (HA!)
Hey everybody…it’s HUUUUGE VOLLEYBALL!!
Tchoukball
Ok, this is a quote from this POS’s wiki page: “The objective of all physical activities is not to make champions, but make a contribution to building a harmonious society”. His aim was to develop a team sport which did not involve the horrific injuries which he viewed as plaguing other sports.” What the shit?
Yup, avoiding the horrific handball and soccer injuries suffered on a daily basis, like straining your vocal chords from screaming while embellishing an injury, or the terrible “stretcher burn” from being carted off the field after the fake injury yelp. Not to make champions? What? What? What? What?
Honorable mentions:
Haggis Hurling
Comments
17 Responses to “The 10 Lamest Sports…Ever”
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I once saw an Ultimate Frisbee game and got so confused - I thought it was like that scene in the second Matrix movie where they’re all dancing and sweaty and pulsating dance rhythms were happening.
Except that it was the COMPLETE AND POLAR OPPOSITE OF THAT
If you think for one minute that field hockey is a wuss sport for those that don’t like contact you are sadly mistaken. It’s one of the most violent sports I’ve ever seen. These people hack and slash and check each other until bodies are broken and bleeding. I’m a Canadian who played hockey all the way to semi-pro and I won’t go out on the field with the local high school girls friggin team. Watch an international match someday and tell me if it’s less violent than Street and Ball Hockey leagues.
…and as for Pickleball…come on man, you can’t rip on a fame geared towards seniors, for God’s sake…lol. If it gets them off the couch and away from Matlock then kudos!
Fistball had some hope until they chose Simple Plan as their theme music. *pointing and yelling* Neeeeeeeeeeerds!
Lewis, you make good points sir…but none of what you say takes away from the fact that both “sports” are laaaaaaame. and ya, ppl have been losing their minds telling me about field hockey awesomeness and how its so brutal and sweet…but damn, you played hockey….watch that video again…you wanna start a field hockey team with me? nope.
What is wrong with field hockey i mean really i play it i am the toughest girl i know!!! I am pissed
all the guys that read this most girls are probably tougher than you
wow, really tough girls, that’s not lame at all.
tough AND angry! i wonder how much she can bench
the sticks are too short. quasimotto leads the league in scoring.
I wont even front…. i loved playing ultimate frisbee in high school
Let me guess, whoever wrote this hasn’t been competitive in any sport since they were 14, right? Just checking.
14? He was never competitive in any sport…unless you count tireless, incessant masturbation. (Which missed the list by the way.)
Grow up! Ultimate is THE most intense sports I have ever played. You need more endurance than soccer, football, or any other field sport. While most sports teams play one game at a time, ultimate tournaments require that teams play up to 8 or 9 games in a weekend! Sure, it´s non-contact but it’s waay more physical than you would imagine. Players sacrifice their bodies time after time to score that next point, and we don’t wear pads. Don’t tell me that laying your body out while running at full speed to catch or block a disc doesn’t take a toll on your body. Now think about getting right back up and finishing the play. You most certainly won’t find my shut-in socially backward 34 year old brother that lives in my parents basement anywhere near an ultimate field. We aren’t all pot smoking hippies running around with skirts on… Not that I have anything against that ahaha.
Game play is difficult to learn and strategy is very technical. Just because you don’t know how to throw a disc doesn’t make this game lame, some of the most athletic sports plays I have ever seen have come from this game. Good players know how to read a field, predict disc movement, and read trajectories of an object that moves a lot differently than a ball. Can you throw a 175 gram disc 60 yards into the wind?? Try 10, seriously. I bet you can’t even catch it. Ultimate players must be in their best physical condition and extremely focused in order to be competitive. So why isn’t this sport more popular? Newsflash, it is! Like most of the sports you picked on, it’s young but growing. There are over 600 registered college teams playing in the UPA (Ultimate Players Association) and that’s only the men’s league. There is a women’s college series, men’s and women’s open series, coed, and youth series. We don’t care if you don’t like our sport, but get your facts straight before you throw us in with amateur radio direction finding.
By the way Damon, the continued use of “lame” in your rebuttals is only weakening your argument, what other unsupported statements and adjectives can you think of?
Your video support is not loading for me but check these guys out!! Hopefully they will change your mind, this video is anything but lame. Yeah ultimate!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQLH7BQ4UWo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kst2yrNJolY
this guys response was lame.