Top 8 Biggest A-holes in Baseball
March 22, 2008
Right up there with road rage, shootin’ shit and war, what would Americas pastime be without a salute to those who turn the privilege of playing a kids game for money into a debaucherous clusterf**k of ego, HGH and and unabashed asshole-dem?
Obviously, its kind of tough to not look through my Red Sox colored goggles in determining this list, so we need to establish a clear list of criteria as to what determines a true asshole, and not just some prick from the Yankees. Here it is:
1) The Media hates them
2) The fans hate them
3) I hate them
Now here they are, in no particular order…as they should all equally bask in the gloriousness of making this list:
Curt Schilling - So this guy will live forever in the folklore of Red Sox nation and Major League Baseball as one of the greatest, and ballsiest post season performers of all time. I guess his stats speak for themselves…but have you ever wondered why critics immediately started conjuring up bloody sock conspiracy theories the second he stepped on the mound?
It was real, but its not like Schilling hasn’t set himself up for unwarranted criticism. For starters, he’s one of the first high profile athletes to answer criticism himself on his own blog, but warped it into a self absorbed soapbox for his own whacked out musings…and to promote all his off-field crap. Remember, the root word off Schilling is SCHILL. Think about it.
He will go after ANY opportunity to get some face time on his non playing days, whether its his blog,
Here’s an Excerpt for a GQ expose on the top ten most hated athletes in all of sports (a list that Curt came in 4th on):
“On days he doesn’t pitch, Schilling is notorious for striking TV-ready poses on the dugout stairs. (His manager in Philadelphia, Jim Fregosi, dubbed him Red Light Curt.) “He’s somebody who’s always positioning himself in terms of what’s best for Curt Schilling,” says ESPN’s Pedro Gomez, who described Schilling as “the consummate table for one.” (Speaking of which, Schilling also has a reputation for sneaking into the clubhouse late in games to get a head start on the buffet.” ~ Read the whole article here.
Kenny Rogers - Apart from the cameraman shoving incident, Rogers has pretty much been a dick to the media folk his entire career, but his reputation has recently skyrocketed into the land of uber prick in the last few seasons, when he absolutely transcended all levels of prick-dom with the shit-palm incident from the 2006 playoffs.
I know that there’s a lot of steroid era cheaters to choose from, but this dude rocked the old school ball scuffing shizz from the 70’s. And he smeared Kenny Rogers good name and stole one of his songs as a nickname. Unacceptable.
AJ Pierzynski - No long winded diatribe here, just a check list of the stupid crap he’s been accused of:
- Spiking Justin Morneau
- Stepping on the foot of EVERY first basemen when he’s on base, then denying it.
- Punching his OWN trainer in the balls, just to illustrate what it felt like.
- Arguing with ump’s about balls and strikes, pretty much hanging his own pitchers out to dry in terms of close calls in the strike zone.
- Shit talking every batter that comes to the plate
- And his own teammates are hoping that he gets beaned
He’s pretty much the worst teammate/opponent/role model you could imagine, and we’ve all faced a guy like this in any sport we’ve played and wanted to elbow smash his whole family.
Barry Bonds - I can’t think of anything to say about this guy that hasn’t already been regurgitated through every single sports site on the planet eight hundred times…so just know this: I have never sen anybody, even his friends, write or say anything about this guy being even remotely cool. or refute any of the bad stuff that’s been written about this cat for the past 20 years.
Carl Everrett - This guy’s just an ass. He started out promising, but soon turned into a total schmuck. He’s one of those players that tries to get by by calling themselves “outspoken” and that they “say it like it is”…which is really just publicist jargon for “This guy’s a arrogant degenerate dink and if you stuff a microphone in his face, he’ll fill with pure unadulterated mouth stank.”
He’s been quoted as saying that dinosaurs never existed, and that fossils were all man made fakes and he’s questioned the Apollo moon landing. His kids have been taken away from him for “excessive corporal punishment”, which transcends in severity every conceivable dickheaded thing he could say or do on a baseball field, and he’s routinely in altercations with umps, players and the media. Pretty much if this guy was a bus driver, he would have already been on the news after he got dragged out of his rig and pummelled.
George Steinbrenner - I started digging up the dirt on this guy, but five minutes into his Wikipedia page I puked all over my keybord, so if you don’t know why he’s on this list, punch yourself in the throat.
Gary Sheffield - A great key in determining how much of an assface somebody is, is to look at his illegitimate children. Barry Bonds doesn’t even make any money from playing baseball, his entire salary is locked up in ex-wives and mistresses.
Well Gary Sheffield is rocking the Douche-master quad-fecta: Kids from a previous marriage, Arrest, (with Uncle Dwight Gooden for fighting with cops) Shooting off his mouth, (from a GQ interview: “What I called is that you’re going to see more black faces, but there ain’t no English going to be coming out. … (It’s about) being able to tell (Latin players) what to do — being able to control them,” he told the magazine. “Where I’m from, you can’t control us.” He went on to elaborate, “They have more to lose than we do. You can send them back across the island. You can’t send us back. We’re already here.”) and Steroids. (He was named in the Mitchell report.)
He’s also one of the few players that can say that they actually got in a fight with a fan…in the stands, during a game.
Roger Clemens - Indignant, smug, sanctomonious meathead. It’s not that I know he’s lying, its because he honestly thinks I’m wrong, and he pays people an assload of money to make me feel like I could actually be wrong, like the KGB. Roger Clemons is a commie bastard.
Comments
6 Responses to “Top 8 Biggest A-holes in Baseball”
Got something to say? Comment and Win Free Sh*t!
You spelled Clemens’ name wrong, A-hole.
good, he deserved it….and you spelled yours wrong too, it’s “C-h-o-d-a G-a-r-g-l-e-r”.
a-hole number NINE! meh.
They’re all douche bags…almost every MLB player looks like a Cop. Even the bad boys the Boston Red Sox look like under covers.
Seriously would you buy drugs from Johnny Damon with out screaming NARC…seriously they’re all douche bags…
I would buy drugs from whomever had the lowest price, Thank you very much.
I’m more of a pay a premium for high quality guy.
[...] The biggest assholes in baseball, sans A-Rod [House of Smack] [...]