News today that Randy Moss has been indicted for hurting a woman and not allowing her to seek medical help (hey MSNBC – how about some fucking details? Is this Page Six of the gossip rags? Sure you don’t want to credit “an insider close to the film’s production” while you’re at it?).

The only details they publish are that the judge “ordered a temporary injunction for protection against dating violence against Moss” – which makes me think two things:

1. Unwanted sexual attention is terrible and Moss should be ashamed.

2. They can do that? They have protections against “dating violence”? Um..how about, I dunno, BREAKING UP WITH THE GUY?

The report goes on to say that Moss can’t be within 500 feet of the alleged victim, which means he ha to pretend that she’s him and that he’s a Miami cornerback (a-ha-cha-cha).

The piece concludes that Moss has been in trouble before:

He was sentenced for 30 days for kicking a high school classmate, was booted out of Florida State for using marijuana, arrested for domestic violence and arrested for bumping a Minneapolis cop with his car, WDBO said.

But I mean, who hasn’t done that before? Have you ever seen how fat Minneapolis cops are? Going around them takes 5 minutes and bumping gives them momentum to get back to their cruisers.

So Randy may or may not be a bad man but he’s one hell of a receiver and c’mon…how can you be angry at a guy who dresses in press conferences like he’s like he’s a tired 4 year old in his Superman jammy-jams.